I haven’t done much writing since FAWM ended, I think I needed a short break. Nothing was coming to me, and I had no inspiration for new songs. Then, a couple weeks ago I was really struggling emotionally. I couldn’t seem to keep it together. I was overwhelmed by everything around me.
For much of my life, at least since I was a teenager, I’ve gone in and out of depressive episodes. Most people I know have no clue, because I hide it so well. The week I started feeling everything bubble up, I had read a few articles about smiling through depression and how those of us who hide it are the most likely ones to commit suicide because we don’t let our support system know that we need help. While I’m not suicidal (how could I ever leave my kids without a mother), I cannot say I haven’t ever wondered how many would miss me, even though my rational side knows that is a stupid thought to have. So, that week I started sharing these articles, being a little more vocal about my issues, and then this song came to me. It was almost therapeutic. It also helped me process some feelings I was having watching a family member struggle. Even though I’m struggling myself, I had no clue how to help this person.
I don’t know if it’s any good, and I almost feel a little embarrassed sharing it (there’s that part of me that hides my emotions, because it thinks you can’t be successful or seen as a productive member of society if you have issues), but I will. I need to, in order to conquer the exact sentiment I just shared.
I’d also like to offer a bit of advice to anyone who has a friend or family member who is struggling with depression. Listen to them. Help them. Don’t abandon them because you can’t handle it. You don’t have to agree with what they have to say, just the act of lending an ear can make all the difference. Running away tells them you don’t care, and they notice. Believe me. You can’t just come back when everything seems to have blown over. It didn’t work that way. It’s hard. It sucks. But they need you in their lives, even when you don’t want to be. If you care for them at all, reach out and lend an ear. It will make a huge difference in your relationship. It’s never too late.